Hope in Grief
By Theresa Lansberry · Jan 01, 2017
If you are reading this, you have probably known the loss of your child, perhaps before your little one was old enough to survive outside the womb.
I pray God’s blessing on you as you mourn your baby.
It is often said that there is not one right way to mourn. Sometimes you might be filled with peace, other times you might be crushed by a load too heavy to bear. If the Spirit has lifted you up, do not be concerned or guilty. Rejoice in His grace. If your pain is beyond words, and you weep without end, do not assume your faith is weak. You have suffered a loss.
You will never be quite the same.
While there is no textbook-perfect process for how to mourn, there is truth I can share with you that helped me through these times and may help you to remember along the way.
You have been blessed.
Your baby is a blessing – notice the present tense. Your child is a unique soul, given specifically to you, if only for a short time. The death that followed too quickly the beginning of life does not negate the fact that God has blessed you. You have been blessed with someone to care about. You are a mother and father already.
If God should in the future give you another child, you may reflexively temper the joy for fear of another miscarriage. When I dealt with recurrent miscarriages, I was greatly tempted to hold back a part of my heart so that perhaps the pain would not be as great in the end. My husband gently reminded me that every child is made in the image of God and is an amazing gift no matter what the outcome. His joy as he announced new pregnancies was his testimony to the truth of a God Who loves us and has blessed us.
You mourn with hope.
It doesn’t take long after the discovery you are going to have a baby before you start to see the rest of your life with that child. From practical concerns about clothes and carseats, to thoughts of graduations and probably a wedding, our hopes and dreams are so real. And then they are gone.
You mourn the loss of a life, you mourn the loss of all those beautiful maybes.
But you mourn with hope. We read in the book of Job that God allowed all Job had to be taken away, his ten children included.
When God restores double to Job all that He destroyed, Job doesn’t get twenty children. Job gets ten again. How could this be? Did not God say that he would have double? But if you believe that we are all made in God’s image and given a soul that will never die, then you know that Job’s children, while parted from their bodies,
did not cease to exist like the donkeys and camels did. Job was reunited with them when his own soul was gathered home.
Death is not the final word because Jesus conquered it. Paul tells us in 1 Thessalonians 4:14, “we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.”
God is good.
I am frequently struck by how often those who are not followers of God don’t so much argue whether He exists; they argue whether He is good. Perhaps your faith is rock solid, and you are ready to be comforted with a reminder that God is unchangeably good. He cannot alter His character to be anything but good. Or perhaps your faith has been rocked, and you grapple to understand why He does the things He does.
Either way, go to the Scriptures. Read the Psalms. Read God’s declaration to Job. Read the Gospels. God holds the entire existence of the universe in His hand, and He cares for you. I know that He loves me and has a perfect plan for me and my children. I pray that you know that, too.
May you know peace & hope.
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