Loving on older people in your life

Don’t you love being pro-life? Pro all-of-life?

How about being pro-aging in an anti-aging society? Now that is something we can all probably work on.

People 64 and older are among the fastest growing age group, increasing 38 percent between 2010 and 2021.

Although we know this intuitively, studies show loneliness impacts older adults’ mental and physical well-being, including spiritual health, all of which diminish quality of life. No wonder the Lord tells us: “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world” (James 1:27, NIV).

We can start by speaking well of aging instead of negatively. More than that, we should support the older person or people in our lives by loving them with intentionality. Let’s be honest: We need them, and they need us. And when in time we grow older ourselves, we will also need people in our lives to love on us.

God has blessed me with a meaningful career filled with loving on older people—meaningful for them and meaningful for me. So, I invite you to consider the older people in your life—their needs and how you might love on them more with some of these ideas and words of encouragement.

Start with your family

Always start with your own family. If you know in your heart you should go be with a family member more, then go and be with them more! Grandma, Grandpa? Great aunt or uncle? Mom? Dad? A step-aunt or -uncle? This is not meant to make anyone feel guilty, but we do need to be reminded. We are to go to our family first. Choose to make them a higher priority or just decide to go more often. And don’t just have good intentions. Put it on your calendar. You’ll never regret doing it, but you might regret not doing it. And, if you can’t meet in person, do it over the phone or on a video call.

Then consider neighbors, your circle of friends, and church members. Who comes to mind? They could probably use you.

Do you know someone who lives in an assisted living facility or a nursing home? Go see them.

If none of the above applies to you, consider becoming a volunteer to love on those who live in a nearby assisted-living facility or nursing home. The closer it is to your home, the likelier it is that you will go because the easier it is to stop by.

It is hard to write about how terribly lonely older people were during COVID-19. We all experienced some form of loneliness during the pandemic, but many older persons suffered even more, particularly those who died without anyone by their side. Let’s commit to loving on older people more in the days to come in their honor.

So, be intentional with family and those you know, and become a special friend to a special person whom God may be placing on your heart.

Try to make it happen

Consider becoming a coordinator in your church to develop a “no older person left behind” type of ministry. My dream is that every single older person in your local nursing home and assisted-living facility has a special friend or volunteer who comes to be with them regularly—ideally, weekly. Wouldn’t that be amazing? You could make that happen. Maybe start with one volunteer per home and grow from there.

There is just such a volunteer: Warren Staples, at St. Charles Nursing Home in Jasper, Indiana.

Warren visited there at first because his wife lives there. He saw the many needs, though, and signed up as a volunteer. He usually arrives around 8:15 or 8:30 a.m. spending the day until around 6 or 6:30 p.m. He goes seven days a week, every week, all year without fail unless he is sick or has an appointment. Residents say, “He is like family. If you need anything, all you have to do is ask him.” Team members say, “We couldn’t do it without him. He is amazing. He is our eyes and ears. He finds out the needs and relays them to the staff.” When asked why, Warren says, “These are my people, and I am one of them,” and “if I think I have problems, I come here and realize I don’t have it so bad.”

Perspective is a blessing.

Just be aware each setting has its own policies which often require, and understandably so, a criminal background check, tuberculin test or the equivalent, and possibly other checks. Don’t let that scare you. Just find out. It often depends upon whether the volunteer will be alone with a person/resident or not. Just find out and talk about it.

Knit them into your life

To be or to do?

Isn’t it interesting that sometimes we focus too much on the doing and not enough on just being? And sometimes we need some doing to get to know a person better to then just "be."

Consider challenging yourself to move into being comfortable with just being together. Let’s take the pressure off all of us. Sometimes doing nothing is OK, even a good thing. Many of us could use that margin in our lives. So, to simply go and be with an elderly person and to just sit outside and listen to the birds is just as meaningful as talking is to most. In fact, I recommend taking people outside. Most older people have a hard time getting outside, and yet God’s sunshine, fresh air, and sounds of creation are some of the best gifts toward good health for all of us.

Another challenge for you is to consider not thinking of a visit as a visit but instead as knitting this person into your life. Don’t let the idea of paying a visit become like a checkmark in your mind.

For instance, if you were planning to go home and polish your nails, consider instead polishing your nails with your aunt if she enjoys that too. If you were going to go home to take a walk, consider taking the older person in your life on a walk with you. If possible, take them places with you. Sure, it might take longer, and you may have to go more slowly, but that is your gift to them and a double blessing to each of you.

What is the older person in your life known for? If it’s their cinnamon rolls, figure out how to help him or her continue baking them, in their own home or yours. Many assisted-living facilities and nursing homes have kitchens you could access as well. Just ask.

Or help them write cards and letters. Consider legacy letters. What if the older person wrote letters now to future grand- or great-grandchildren? If a great-grandchild is 8 now, what if letters were written for him for when he turns 9, 10, and so on? Imagine how special it would be to get a letter even if this person is now with the Lord.

Think about things that really count. Maybe consider not only reading God’s Word but working to memorize it together? What could be better than that?

Make it a group effort

Consider creating a group of people of all ages to go be with the older adults—not perform and then leave, but rather be with them, getting to know one another.

And always take the children. Older people need the stimulation and delight of all ages. Whether in a group or with one person, ask for wisdom. As King Solomon says, “Get wisdom, get understanding” (Proverbs 4:5, NIV). Older people have wisdom but rarely get asked for it although God’s Word says, “Is not wisdom found among the aged? Does not long life bring understanding?” (Job 12:12, NIV)

As an end goal, think of creating a “Wisdom Book” from a group or just one older person. You could have a chapter for each wisdom theme: for a long life, marriage, raising boys, raising girls, being organized, friendship, etc.

What a privilege to be pro-life—for all of life—making us pro-aging in this anti-aging society.

Each and every one of us can make a difference!