3 P's of working with picky eaters

Related read: 5 foods picky eaters will eat

I stepped away from my career in education several years ago into the most rewarding—albeit difficult—job: full-time motherhood.

I approached this job with the same rigor I had employed in preparing my classroom for new students with clear goals. My husband and I worked very hard to provide a home for our six children where learning and play were balanced with enough structure to prevent chaos but enough chaos to evoke creativity and fun. Simple enough, right? Added bonus: My newfound love of cooking and baking thrived, as I had ample time to prepare and serve well-balanced meals for my growing family.

This was all good in theory until my son refused to eat anything except chicken nuggets or Nutella sandwiches on white bread, and never a vegetable.

Sound familiar? If so, you’re not alone. Picky eaters are as common as they are frustrating. Food strikes, texture sensitivities, and mealtime battles are all commonplace when raising kids.

How do you approach encouraging picky eaters to be less, well, picky?

There are many theories, but what worked for our pickiest kid was perseverance, patience, and peace.

Have perseverance

First up, perseverance.

Our son was the pickiest of all our children. Luckily, he is the fourth out of six children, so when this started, I was a seasoned enough parent to know that I could probably outlast this toddler phase. However, it stretched into school-age, and I had to dig deep into my perseverance as I meal prepped and mentally prepared for him to refuse the meal in front of him.

We didn’t stop or prepare a second meal. He may not have eaten every bite, but with each meal, we tried to remain calm and continue our quest to expose him to food multiple times, hoping one would stick.

Our pediatrician told us that repeated introduction of foods was a fundamental strategy to help ease picky eating. The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia says that a child may need to be exposed to a new food from eight to 15 times before accepting it. Parents often stop at three to five introductions, not even reaching the threshold. So, perseverance is key even when your finicky eater says no again and again.

Have patience

Another approach we employed was patience.

While perseverance is strategized like a marathon, patience is a sprint, exercised every day, every meal, every interaction, and we had to have lots of patience.

With our son, we had to approach meals with grace, patiently guiding and sharing in his experience. Each meal required calm conversation and a predictable, standard operating procedure. As parents, this required mountains of patience as we managed his preferences as well as the needs of the rest of the family.

Patiently, we created an experience that was predictable. Meals were served around the same time. He always sat in the same spot at the table. As a toddler, he loved a certain tractor plate and smaller fork, so we worked with that. As he got older, we explained the meal to him, talking about colors and textures and familiar ingredients he had eaten before. We had calm conversations around how certain family members loved this type of food when they were little. We asked him questions about the colors, the textures, whether he had seen this at school.

This intentionality took extreme patience. It wasn’t perfect every day, but when we were calm and patient, he was more likely to try a bite of even the most unfamiliar of foods.

Have peace

So how does this all lead to peace?

Take heart that you know your child best. Although picky, our son continued to grow and thrive, so we felt at peace with the strategies we employed, and we watched him emerge as a more adventurous eater (if you call broccoli adventurous!). That worked for our family.

This is where peace comes into play. You either must have peace with the pickiness and ways to work around it, or peace in seeking help to get your child back on strong nutritional footing. This is a personal decision and one that must be contemplated, prayed over, and then peacefully settled.

Small steps add up

As parents, we all hope to nurture healthy habits, encourage curiosity, and create peaceful moments around the table, even when those moments feel messy or discouraging. But as our journey taught us, picky eating doesn’t come with a quick, one-size-fits-all approach. It’s a slow unfolding process built on perseverance, patience, and, ultimately. peace.

With each repeated exposure to new foods and each calm, intentional mealtime interaction, we learned that small steps forward truly do add up. And while no two children or families are alike, finding the approach that brings you confidence and calm is what matters most.

Progress is possible, and you’re not walking this road alone.